Well, my resolution of posting once a week has been shot to shit considering it has been over two months since I last posted. I apologize to all seven of my trusty readers out there (Hi Mom) that I left you hanging for so long, but it has been a hectic few months.
Basically, this is all about how I need to get my shit together.
When I found out I was pregnant, I change a lot of behaviors. I realized that a lot of what was normal for me would not be healthy for the baby. Some stuff was an absolute no-brainer, I immediately stopped smoking as soon as I saw the positive test. I also decided to make some less obvious changes - I stopped working all the time and started doing normal hours. I started eating better, I cut out coffee (though I did indulge in decaff as a treat) and I even managed to completely stop drinking Diet Coke which is amazing considering I'd have at least 20-30oz a day (with the exception of a few happy hours, where I cheated and had a DC). I manged to keep some of these habits up for a bit even when I returned to work from FMLA, but slowly they started creeping back. My good eating habits pretty much went out the window, fast-food has become a way too frequent part of my weekly routine. DC and massive amounts of coffee fuel my everyday existence. In January, shit hit the fan and I started smoking again at work (for what its worth, only at work). I'm back working 11-12 hour days again, yesterday was beginning of week three of me coming into work at 4am. I'm generally not taking very good care of myself.
So basically, I need to get my shit together.
I keep saying to myself it was so easy to stop these bad habits when I found out I was pregnant, because I wasn't doing it for myself I was doing it for the baby. You know what? Just because Ari isn't inside of me any longer doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to have a healthy mom. You know what else? I need to change for me. I have taken some steps to work towards being a healthier Andrea. I joined Weight Watchers, and I'm down about 15 pounds from when I started. I've committed to not smoking, and so far today I haven't a smoke at all and only two yesterday and none over the weekend, and no one has been murdered yet. I've started a couch-to-5k type program and I've committed to doing some sort of activity at least five times a week. When I've gotten my ass up and out, I feel much better. Not just physically but mentally as well. The hardest thing I'm going to have to do is let go of the work baggage. My work related stress drives so many of the other things, I have no choice but to let go. I'm trying to reconcile the fact that I will never be as caught up at work as I would like to be even if I worked 24/7 and there will always be work related stress. I stopped working all hours of the day when I found out I was pregnant, and you know what? The office didn't close down, production did not stop. All was well. And you know what? If I stop coming in at 4am, the office won't close down. Production will not stop. All will be well.
So this is it. The last of making excuses and not pushing myself to change. The last of saying "it was so easy when I was pregnant" or "I'll go to the gym tomorrow, I'm too tired". I'm not pregnant, but being pregnant shouldn't be the only time in my life when I get my health in check. There will always be a reason not to change, but none of them outweigh the reasons to change. This is me, getting my shit together for my son, for my husband and above all, for myself. And don't you worry, I'll keep you posted along the way.
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